I backed out of my driveway onto the rainy road to make my way to Loveland, Colorado. This was my first alone, overnight trip away from both Ryan and Summer. I was excited and nervous.
As I prepare for this upcoming birth, I began to realize that I wanted a babymoon getaway for just me and Samuel (the baby boy in my belly). Up until this point, I did not realize that was the true craving of my soul, but it was.
I wanted a space to be with Samuel, alone. To bond. To ponder. To pray. To consider all the places I’ve been and the places I may go.
Continue reading “Pulled to the Front: My PPD Journey” →
I buckled my joyful little toddler into her seat after our trip to see Ryan at Starbucks. Now that we live further from his store, these visits are quite a treat for both of us.
Lately, a typical morning begins with me sipping coffee while listening to her chant “Bye-bye to dada” next to the front door in her pajamas.
About twice a week I cave. Extra caffeine, a breakfast sandwich made by someone else, and a kiss from the Ryan Hudson is hard to resist.
Continue reading “Sledding in Summer” →
As Ryan and I began planning our recent vacation, I dreamt of what was to come. We both felt the Lord speak that this was a “healing vacation” for us. We felt He highlighted two Scriptures for this season of healing, as well as for our vacation:
“Your sun shall no more go down nor your moon withdraw itself for the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your days of mourning shall be ended,” Isaiah 60:20.
We also felt the Lord highlighting Isaiah 61:3 “…to grant to those who mourn in Zion, to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes.”
Continue reading “When Healing Looks Different” →
When I began to piece together arrangements for bringing my baby home in 2015, I worked to fill every gap I could possibly imagine. I planned to have my mother here to help with daily chores. I arranged meals to come in from the church. I organized dog walkers to help with Baylor. I wrote a list on my fridge of daily and weekly to-do’s. I washed, folded and organized all the baby clothes in advance and tucked them neatly into drawers. I put together “welcome” stockings for houseguests filled with lotions and other treats to sustain them while at our home. I carefully planned for every possible need that would arise.
I did not, however, plan my suicide.
Continue reading “The Closet Incident: PPD Awareness” →
When I first discovered I was pregnant, I did what any resourceful Millennial would do, I consulted the World Wide Web. “How far along am I?” I asked Google. “How big is my baby?” “When am I due?” “When do I call the doctor?” “How should I tell my husband?”
What I found online was unexpected.
Continue reading “Understanding The Millennial Mom” →
1 John 4:19 “We love because He first loved us”
Laying on the floor surrounded by broken glass, spilled milk, water, oats, and disappointment, I just allowed the tear to dance down my cheek. I couldn’t pretend anymore. I could not apologize anymore for the failure of the day. I had to just press my cheek against the cold ground and let go. And it felt good.
Continue reading “Fishy Chicken: The Art of Being in Relationships” →
“Carbs and sugar. All she wants are carbs and sugar,” I huffed at Ryan as we attempted to cram peas and chicken into Summer’s mouth. I wanted her to want meat and vegetables, yet she would grasp for tortillas and cookies and pieces of bread. All trigger foods for me.
As I felt these words falling from my lips, I realized I was responding to Summer out of my broken past. I was not viewing her desire as an attempt to taste and explore solids, but rather as a desire to binge – a concept foreign to a 9 month old.
Continue reading “Parenting in the Wake of an Eating Disorder” →
“Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare” -Ed Asner
One of my dearest friends is going to have a baby within the next two weeks. My insides are about to implode with excitement for them!
We are going to have a little boy in our midst and I know my Summershine and her fur-brother are going to be so excited when they find out – there’s nothing like shepherding little world-changers alongside your besties.
In honor of my sweet friend, Kailey, I’m sharing 10 hacks I discovered for life with a newborn:
Continue reading “10 Hacks for Life with a Newborn” →
It’s been one year. A year that I will never forget. A year that is leaving deep imprints on my soul.
Moving into motherhood, I knew I had nothing
figured out. I knew I was clueless
and that it was going to be hard and that I was going to need friends and family to come alongside us on the journey. I remember questioning the basics: Do I really know how to change a diaper? Am I supposed to burp her if she falls asleep or just let her be? Do I heat the bottle up in the microwave or on the stovetop or under water? Does any of this matter?
Continue reading “I’m Unfit for Motherhood” →
“Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end” Proverbs 29:11
The new morning routine now includes me carrying a bath towel downstairs to the living room. I’m learning that quality towels, puffs, and Ziplock baggies are all powerful tools in the game of parenting.
Continue reading “She Will Water the Pumpkin – A Lesson on Expectations & Anger” →